I keep a notebook where I jot down insights, quotes I love, daily gratitude and personal goals. Recently I wrote this sentence in my notebook: Don’t turn something into a thing that isn’t a thing.
Ever have one of those nights when you just can’t sleep? Or, maybe a baby or a sick child has you up and down during the night? Sleep deprivation can be a number one cause of turning something into a thing that isn’t a thing.
Running on fumes from little sleep, I started thinking that my husband and I haven’t had a date night in a while. With a serious face, I mentioned my concern to him. He said, “We went to dinner and a concert last week.”
Oops, I forgot.
We shared a good laugh. I invented a problem in my mind, he diffused it. (He has a calming effect on me.)
The other night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. My brain went negative. If my mind was a Pandora (or Spotify!) station, I’d name it: Ways I Could Be a Better Mom. My tired brain was being a bully. My rested brain? I think I’m a pretty awesome mom.
Do you ever whip up a problem that isn't a problem at all?
My daughters are six years old, in kindergarten, and they are learning how to identify a problem. I saw a worksheet with "What’s the size of my problem?" written at the top. Below it featured cute pictures of animals from small to big.
Is it small like a mouse and I can solve it myself?
Or, is it a big problem like a bear and I need Mom and Dad’s help?
And there’s a bunch of levels in between. Kindergarten kiddos are learning to pause and assess a situation before they react. We sometimes forget to do this as adults.
The pause can be powerful.
When we take a minute, we remember to ask: Is this even a problem at all?
- How often do we react to something simply because we are stressed, tired or grumpy?
- When do we invent a problem because we don’t have mental clarity or the resourcefulness that comes from a long night of deep sleep?
- Is a disagreement with a spouse fueled by tiredness?
- When do we take a small problem in our lives and turn it big? (e.g. by negative thoughts, lack of sleep, or a bad mood)
Or, as I like to say: When do I turn a thing into a thing that isn’t a thing? That sentence makes me laugh and reminds me to keep perspective. (Shush, tired brain!) I hope it works for you, too.
It’s no secret, there’s real problems in the world. Let’s all do ourselves a favor, take a few seconds and ask: Is this really a problem?
P.S. Oh, and get your zzzz’s friends.
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband and twin girls.
