I’m tough on myself. I know this about me. So, when I start giving myself a hard time, or my mind cruises on over to that familiar place called Mom Guilt, I try to catch myself and slam on the brakes. You can stop and challenge the monkey brain with some questions: Is that really true? Do I really need to feel badly right now? What else is true?
Take this past weekend for example. My husband had a business trip and I was flying solo with my twin six-year-old daughters Friday to Monday. Together, my husband and I run our home like a well-choreographed dance. We each know our parts and we follow the routine. When one parent is traveling, the other parent has to dance both parts. So, when Sunday night rolled around, instead of giving myself credit, I thought, “I didn’t accomplish that much today. I could have structured today a lot better.”
Oh. My. Gawd. Really? Do I have to start down that negative road?
Immediately, I challenged the thought: Is that really true? What did I get done?
- Meal planning.
- Groceries.
- Brunch with the in-laws.
- Laundry out the wazoo.
- Changing sheets.
- Wrote a weekly newsletter for another business that goes out on Sundays.
- Walked the dogs.
- Played with the girls.
- Girls’ baths.
- Helped the girls clean up a slew of toys scattered everywhere.
- Met my 14.000 step goal.
Check, check and check! Not too shabby.
And then unexpectedly my amazing neighbor invited us over for Smores and my girls took turns swinging in the hammock in her backyard giggling and saying, “higher, higher” before bedtime called.
I took a perfectly wonderful sunny Sunday spent with family and friends, cast it aside, and started getting after myself on what I didn’t do. Sometimes I get these idealistic visions of making a serious dent in spring cleaning all my closets or tackling my work list during the weekend so I can feel like a Rockstar come Monday. We all know how realistic those aspirations are when you have littles asking you for a snack every 15 minutes, and staring at you while you stare at your computer monitor.
It doesn’t really work.
Fortunately, I’ve devoured enough personal development content in my lifetime to know that just because you think a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true. Plus, tired brain is skilled at conjuring up negative thoughts. You simply don’t have to believe them.
Now when I start to think I didn’t do enough or I didn’t Mom enough (mom guilt), I shut down the negative thoughts with equal parts compassion and investigative reporter.
I just ask: What did I get right today?
And I always like the answer.
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer, positive human, and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband, twin girls and two dogs. Email Sandra at SandraB@macaronikid.com
