One of the things I struggle with most as a mom is staying calm. I don’t yell at our daughters, but my voice does get louder when they don’t listen. And I struggle with keeping the irritability out of my voice when they they whine. When I’m tired at the end of the day? It’s harder. I love my little cherubs and I want to create a positive home with my words, energy and actions. But when it’s bedtime and they are painting the bathroom in toothpaste (okay, slight exaggeration), whining about bedtime, or moving as slow as turtles, it’s hard not to get exasperated. (On the other hand, this is what little kids do!)
I have a friend whose natural strength is calmness. She’s like a calm and cool Mary Poppins. While calmness might not be my personality default, I’m working on it.
One of the things that’s helped me is the beautiful quote:
The other thing that’s helped me is writing down my goal as a mom Every. Single. Day.
I use a Start Today journal by author Rachel Hollis, where I write my goals as if they’ve already happened. So, I literally write down: “I am a calm and loving mother.” Might sound kind of odd, but this little practice serves as a daily reminder of the mom I want to be. It takes me out of the whirlwind of all that needs to be done and calls me to the present. It plants a little seed in my subconscious brain, and it works.
If my girls are getting into an argument of who gets to hug me first when they dash out of school (maybe this is a twin thing!) I find resourceful ways to solve their bickering instead of getting irritated.
There is power to writing down who you want to be.
When I worked at SUCCESS magazine in Dallas, I learned about author Earl Nightingale who put this concept into motion. Best known for his book, Think and Grow Rich, he was also on the radio in the 1950s suggesting we should see the life we want to live. He said, “Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.”
Today behavioral scientists and thought leaders continue to talk about the power and usefulness of this concept and practice. Write down your goals (little and big) as if they’ve already happened. Read them every day.
So, instead of writing “I want to lose weight” as a goal, you’d write: “I am down ten pounds and exercising three times a week.” Instead of, “Someday I want to write a book” you’d write: “My first book is published and now available at Malaprops.” Simplifying the science, seeing yourself as the person you want to be, pulls you in that direction.
Of course, you still have to map out the plan and do the hard work. But as Earl Nightingale once said, this practice “will direct the path to its fulfillment.”
It feels good to be the calm seas when my girls are the storm. Today I’m much more “I’ve got this” and much less reactive. It feels good to be the mom I want to be. I know my daughters are watching.
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer, positive human, and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband, twin girls and two dogs. Email Sandra at SandraB@macaronikid.com
