I think Valentine’s Day is a romantic and fun holiday with all sorts of potential. My husband thinks it’s a manufactured holiday designed to take your money. I laugh and say, “Okay, but we are still going out to dinner to celebrate.” I mean, Hello! he’s married to someone who loves Hallmark movies. He's romantic but practical.
We may have some differences, but the extent of our disagreements involve an occasional eye roll or snarky retort. I love that we get along so well because we are around each other A LOT. Even pre-pandemic, we work from home together. We have twins together. We do life together.
We both geek out on personal development content that can make our lives better and then we talk all about it. One of my favorite marital tips is: Leave one thing unsaid every day. YESSSSSSS. Now we don't have to squabble about his insane desire to rearrange the dishwasher. Do the dishes really care? Won't they get washed the same no matter where they are sitting in the dishwasher thingy?
Anyway, one of our favorite marriage books is ...
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, cause it's a game changer. Friends who already read it agree. This book is a must-read.
In short: When you know your partner’s love language, you can speak it! We have a tendency to give our partner our own love language instead of their love language. My husband feels loved when I make him a smoothie for breakfast or run an errand for him. He loves the small things that show him I love him. That love language is called Acts of Service. That’s not my love language. Hey, if he wants to make me breakfast, I’m not going to stop him, but my love language (how I feel loved) is Quality Time. I need couple time and conversation (not a shock there).
The five love languages outlined in the book are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Each of us typically has a primary love language and a secondary love language. You can find out your Love Language here: The Five Love Languages Quiz
Here are some of my other favorite personality tests that can strengthen relationships:
VIA Character Strengths – Discover your character strengths. When you know your strengths, you can use your innate strengths to improve your life and thrive.
Myers Briggs - Find out personality type to better understand and respect different ways of being. The Myers Briggs website explains the usefulness of taking the test: “The use of personality type can create neutral ground, a nonjudgmental language for discussing misunderstandings and irritations.”
Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies - Gain insights into how you respond to expectations. (Bonus: You also discover how to set habits according to your personality type.)
Understanding and appreciating your differences as a couple is one of the best things you can give each other this Valentine’s Day. Oh, and remember you're on the same team!
Have a question or comment for me? Email me at SandraB@MacaroniKid.com
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer, positive human, and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband, twin girls and two dogs.
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