I love it when my daughters' school lessons teach me something. Back when they were in preschool they learned about how to be bucket fillers. A bucket filler is kind, respectful, shares and listens. Bucket dippers fight, bully, use mean words and are disrespectful. What a cool reminder of how to be in the world. Now I can say, “Be a bucket filler” as they trot off to school and they know what I’m talking about.
Recently, they just did a cool second grade lesson that was another great reminder of how to be in the world. On a piece of paper, they had to identify the things inside their circle of control and the things outside of their control.
Oh, how relevant this lesson is for adults, too, especially this year. Many of us feel weird this year because there’s so much uncertainty. The human brain doesn’t like operating under all of this unknown for so long. And if you head down the path of “what ifs” anxiousness spikes.
I watched as Sydney and Riley sorted what they can or can’t control.
Inside my control
My behavior.
My choices.
My attitude.
My actions.
My responses.
Things I can’t control
The words of others.
The choices of others.
The thoughts or actions of other people.
The pandemic.
I love that this lesson helps kids gain a sense of control—during a really unpredictable year. It’s also calming to remember boundaries, and there’s only so much we can control.
I enjoyed the little reminder that I can’t control all things. Does it fall in my circle of control? Okay, cool. Let me see what I can do. Does it fall outside my circle? Okay, I’m going to let it go.
We don’t have to spiral in the wild world of unknowns. We can choose to ground ourselves in the things that fall inside our circle.
I’m not going to dwell on how Thanksgiving is going to look different this year due to family members who can’t join us. Instead, I can switch to: How can I make this Thanksgiving the best holiday for my little family?
Staying inside my circle is a peaceful way to relax my mind.
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer, regular contributor to Live Happy, and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband, twin girls and two dogs. Email Sandra at SandraB@macaronikid.com
