The other day my daughter Sydney asked me why I don't sing. I laughed and told her that I don't have a good singing voice. She immediately said, "But mama, you just need to practice." I was so happy hearing her repeat something we say to her often. Practice makes you improve in everything. It was so cute that she thought I could practice my way to a decent singing voice. Meanwhile the voice I was born with sounds more like I have permanent hoarseness.
Lots of parenting experts suggest we celebrate progress over results. We catch our kids practicing or trying and we celebrate that effort. When we do this, we raise more resilient kids.
Instead of trophies and A-grades as the goal, kids who receive positive feedback and modeling on effort are more likely to dig in and become adults with drive. Our kids will learn the reward in the climb.
Psychologist, Dr. Carol Dweck, found that we all have underlying beliefs about the nature of ability. Children and adults with a growth mindset believe intelligence and abilities can be developed through persistence, trying different strategies and learning from mistakes. Her research on growth mindset vs. fixed mindset is fascinating.
I love this ...
“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”
― Carol S. Dweck
When we model and enjoy effort and challenges, our kids are more likely to develop a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. Our kids will begin to see setbacks and failures as opportunities to develop their skills and stretch their abilities, instead of a reflection on who they are.
The hope is that by encouraging effort, our kids will become adults who realize they can take on any challenge and rise from any defeat.
Too bad practice won't help my singing voice.
Have a question or comment for me? Email me at SandraB@MacaroniKid.com
Sandra Bilbray is a nationally published writer, positive human, and publisher of Asheville Macaroni Kid. She lives in Asheville with her husband, twin girls and two dogs.
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